Thinking of buying your ED treatment online?
Archive - Q and A
The information in this section should not be used as a basis for medical diagnosis or treatment which can only be provided by a qualified medical practitioner. You should consult your doctor or the appropriate health professional for specific personal advice if you have any concerns about your health or general wellbeing.
Question:
I am suffering from ED and am concerned that taking tablets of various types will aggravate my heart condition. I had a double bypass 11 years ago and have been fine for all those years till around 3 months ago. Recently I tried a preparation called” horny goat weed” from a health supplement provider. It is probably quite useless but it made me feel quite unwell and I am concerned preparations such as are mentioned in on your website might well trigger a heart attack. I really do not want to go there again! Your advice would be greatly appreciated.
Answer:
It is very common to suffer erectile dysfunction as a result of heart conditions. If you now live a healthy life and are able to do day to day activities without heart problems, then you should consult your GP. There are a range of treatments available for your ED including tablets know as PDE5i.
Answered by: Dr Emile Morgan
Question:
I have been suffering from ED for 4 years. I have been using a treatment but I see this as a temporary fix. My doctor has undergone tests and said that there is nothing physically wrong with me and I should just try to reduce my stress levels. The problem has not got any better. I assume that it's a psychological problem therefore, but I am being given no direction on where to go. Will I ever be cured or is it something I and others just have to live with (possibly for the next 20 years or so?)
Answer:
Erectile dysfunction can be as a result of many physical or psychological causes. Your condition sounds like it is linked to high stress levels. A build up of anxiety in the body can produce chemicals to work against the body resulting in erectile dysfunction. The best advice I can give is to go and see a psychosexual counsellor to discuss your problems – you can be referred by your GP. If your problem is psychological then tablets will still be effective for your erectile dysfunction. You can use them to help build up your confidence until you become more comfortable within yourself.
Answered by: Dr Emile Morgan
Question:
It isn’t that I suffer from ED but that once I’ve got an erection it shrinks to nothing when I’m making love. This gets really embarrassing what can I do?.
Answer:
Erectile dysfunction is also the inability to maintain an erection during intercourse. I recommend that you visit your GP to get your condition checked as he might arrange for appropriate referral. There are a range of effective treatments available, depending on your lifestyle. This is a very common presenting problem and can be easily sorted out.
Answered by: Dr Emile Morgan
Question:
Why have I never had a full erection in my life? Can someone be born with this problem? I don’t have problems having sex but my penis is not 100 % hard. Please let me know what to do?
Answer:
The first thing we need to know is how you assess the hardness of your erections. Your perception of your weak erection might not be true and you might indeed have a normal erection. There are rare conditions where a person may be born with ED and again this may need to be assessed by investigations. If you visit your GP, he may be able to reassure you that your erections are normal. However if you are suffering from erectile dysfunction, there are treatments available from your doctor that should help increase the blood flow to the penis and consequently improve your erection. Your GP may also be able to arrange for appropriate referral if it is required. There may also be an underlying cause to your particular erectile dysfunction, such as cardiovascular disease, so it is definitely worth visiting your GP for advice.
Answered by: Dr Emile Morgan
Question:
I am a man of just 40 and I have an erection problem. I often fail to get an erection but if I do manage to sustain an erection and I start having sex, I always finish in a few seconds and it takes almost another day to get ready for another one. Some people say they have sex many times a night, but for me, once a night is very rare, and even that for only few seconds.
Answer:
You are suffering with premature ejaculation and there is effective treatment for this condition. I would advise you to go and visit your doctor to discuss this condition
Answered by: Dr Michael Callander
Question:
I am 36 and my husband is 29 we have been together for 6 years in November and married for 27 months. My husband has been unable to get an erection for the past 19 months.. He is over weight and suffered urine infections prior to this problem which he assumes is the cause of the problem. I have been extremely patient with him and reassured him that I understand but he refuses to go to the doctor and won't speak to me about it as he is too embarassed. I am finding myself getting increasingly frustrated by his lack of communication and intention to sort the problem out. I also feel unloved and unwanted by him. Please can you give me some advice as I don't know what to do next
Answer:
I wonder what's underpinning your husband's refusal to go to the doctor? Is it sheer embarrassment? Is it that he doesn't want to admit that he is having erectile difficulty? It might help to suggest he contact somewhere more anonymous than his GP - such as this website, that he writes about his problem instead of having to tackle someone face to face.
It could also be that your husband is unaware that tackling erectile dysfunction isn't just important for his love life – it could be an important indicator of a physical condition such as diabetes or heart disease. Would telling him this motivate him to seek help?
If neither of these routes work, then you are at an impasse - you know very well that you can't force your husband to do anything; the only thing you can do is to make sure you're not getting dragged down by it. Almost certainly this lack of erection is not a sign of lack of love - most ED is physical not relationship-based - so you have no need to worry. And the more you do worry, the more stressed your relationship will become and the worse things will be for you and your husband.
So do your best to keep calm and secure in your relationship - maybe ask him to give you sexual pleasure in other ways, maybe try to compensate for the lack of sex by having good times together out of bed. If things get absolutely too much for you, it may help to talk to a counsellor, let off steam and rebuild your self esteem; log on to www.relate.org.uk and book a session.
Susan
Answered by: Susan Quilliam
Question:
I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO GET A FULL ERECTION FOR 12 MONTHS NOW CAN YOU HELP?
Answer:
Not being able to have a full erection at all - as opposed to being able to have one on your own but not with a partner - makes it fairly likely that this isn't down to a relationship problem, and is much more likely to be a physical thing.
As you haven't given any other symptoms - and as I'm not a medical specialist but a psychologist - my advice is to go along as soon as you can to your doctor. An extra reason to go is that erection difficulty is often a sign of an underlying physical problem.
So don't delay a moment longer. Get along to your GP right away. Chances are he can do something for you.
Answered by: Susan Quilliam
Question:
Recently, I was reunited with my High School Sweetheart after 30 years. When I’m with him he suffers from erectile dysfunction although he claims he can get an erection when I am not there. We live 900miles apart. It wasn't until after he was put on cholesterol medicine that this problem started. He has said that me being slightly overweight is the problem. Does sexual desire or attraction have anything to do with ED? He claims he loves me.
Answer:
This is a tricky one. Largely, ED is a medical problem, so your partner's shift of medication could well have something to do with it and he should certainly get this checked out with his GP.
That said, emotional issues can cause ED, and the fact that your partner's erection is fine when you're not there does suggest that there's something happening here around relationships.
But please, please don't get into a whole self blame thing about your weight, because the link probably won't be as simple as that. I doubt very much if things would be fine if you lost the weight that your man saying is the cause - that may be what he's aware of and what he wants to pin things on, but it's much more likely to be down to deeper emotional factors.
Try to have a conversation with him around what he (and you) really feel about this relationship. How do you feel about getting together after so long? About living so far apart? Given that you're older, it's likely that he's had some upsetting or confidence-sapping relationships since you were together in High School - are these affecting his esteem in bed? Has he had sexual problems before and if so, how does this link in with what's happening now? Any of these things could make him wary of sex with a partner. Try to talk these through him, to support him, to get him to relax in bed and relax emotionally around the relationship.
If that isn't working, then once he's ruled out the medication issue, I would suggest that the two of you - or he alone if he's embarrassed - see a counsellor for just a few sessions. ED is often easily rectified, and just exploring these issues briefly could get you back on track.
Answered by: Susan Quilliam
Question:
I am 56 years old. All my life I have had a more than great sex life. I was divorced for 16 years then got married again. Five years on now my wife is 32. The first four years were great but now I find I am only just keeping my erection - it’s as if I’m ok to the point of entry then it just goes soft. I take tylex and tramadol for a neck problem. I never have a good sleep pattern, I work very hard at my job and I often find I just want to sleep. I dread the thought of trying to have sex at the moment. We are very much in love and I know my wife is missing what we have had in bed. I cannot believe this seem to have happened so quick over this last year.
Answer:
The fact that your problem has happened so quickly, and that before that your sex life was great suggests this will have some elements of a physical problem - emotional problems tend to develop more slowly. So you absolutely must start with a visit to your GP and a physical check-up. You should also ask him about the side effects of your medication - I'm not qualified as a doctor to comment on that side of things.
That said, there's probably also an emotional component. The fact that you can get an erection but it fails when you try to penetrate suggests that you are losing motivation when it comes to performing in bed with your wife. And there could be a number of things going on here.
First, are there general relationship tensions between you - perhaps around your working so hard? Second, could it be that you're having a panic that you can't satisfy her, and that given your age gap she will start to lose interest. Third - most certainly - the fact that you're now falling asleep at night will be stressing her; this isn't an issue of her missing the sex so much as her missing the physical affection, without which every woman simply dies inside. All of these will be setting up relationship problems and short-circuiting your motivation to perform.
The key to solving all of this is the same - you must talk it through with your wife, honestly and supportively. Find out how she's feeling - you may be surprised to discover that she fears it's her fault. Tell her how you're feeling - any anxieties you have and any guilt you feel. Add in lots of hugs and cuddles to bring you closer together. And consider counselling - your local branch of Relate will be able to help. www.relate.org.uk.
Finally, remember that if the problem is physical, there's a very good chance of a solution sooner rather than later. And if it's emotional, then the most important thing you can do is to start treating all this not as an issue between the two of you, but as a problem that the two of you can tackle together, a proof of your love.
Answered by: Susan Quilliam
Question:
Why can I not get an erection?
Answer:
I'd love to be able to help you, but as you don't give any details of your problem, I can only give you a general answer.
Largely, erectile dysfunction (ED) happens for one of four reasons. First, you may not be able to get it up temporarily - perhaps because you've had too much to drink. All you need to solve the problem is to sober up!
Second, having had this one-off problem, you may lose your nerve. When you try to perform, you become anxious - and that 'performance anxiety' makes it difficult to get an erection. To solve the problem, you need to relax and get your confidence back.
Third - and most usually for men over about 40 - there may be a physical reason for your ED. Solution? Get along to your GP and get him to do a medical check-up - very often, simple prescribed medication can sort the problem out.
Fourth, it could be that there are emotional reasons for your difficulty. A lack of self confidence, perhaps a major life event that's thrown you off balance, sexual worries or perhaps relationship problems mean that your mind isn't particularly interested in being sexual. Again, go to your GP - but this time, he'll probably recommend some sort of personal, relationship or sexual therapy.
Whatever the problem, it's almost always possible to find a solution. So think through what I've said, see how it relates to you, and get it sorted as soon as you can.
Answered by: Susan Quilliam
Question:
I think I may have ED, because when it comes to having sex nothing seems to happen. I am totally attracted to my partner but nothing happens. Can you tell me why this could be?
Answer:
If you're attracted to your partner but nothing happens when you want to make love, the chances are that the reasons aren't emotional or to do with your relationship. And that means that it's likely to be down to physical causes. You don't say whether you're in ill health or taking particular kinds of medication - but either of these could be the cause.
The solution is absolutely simple. Get along to your GP right now and have a check up - he or she can begin the process of checking out if there is anything wrong and sorting it. The good thing about doing this is that ED can be a sort of 'advance warning' for ill health; so you're likely to be able not only to solve the ED problem, but spot any lurking medical problems in good time. Fix that appointment today.
Answered by: Susan Quilliam
Question:
I have been having problems with my erections for awhile now and my doctor has found no answer has to why. I feel like I'm banging my head against the wall. I no longer get an erection when I have a full bladder. I only get one when I handle it but lose it after short time. I have tried all the pills but they only worked first time. Any answers would be very much appreciated. I’m only in my early 30s.
Answer:
The important point to make is that effective treatments are available. We need to make sure you have tried the oral treatments properly and then do some simple blood tests and if necessary move onto other forms of treatment. Please visit your GP for this assessment.
Answered by: Dr Michael Callander
Question:
Could you tell me if my ED is anything to do with my x 4 bypass I had six years ago because it’s only since then that I have had this problem .
Answer:
ED following a bypass is not uncommon. Effective treatment is available but it will depend on your general fitness and what medication you are on. I recommend that you visit your GP for an assessment
Answered by: Dr Michael Callander
Question:
I'm a man of 53 who's recently started having problems with my erection. It's really worrying me - but at the same time when I think of mentioning it to the doctor, I feel so embarrassed that I couldn't bear to go. Any advice?
Answer:
You're not alone here. One in two men over 40 gets erectile dysfunction at some point - and a huge number of them, like you, are far too embarrassed to visit their doctor. In fact, the average man waits a whole two years before seeing a health care professional, and that means that a whopping 70% of men are currently under diagnosed.
You'll probably guess that my advice to you is to swallow hard, face your embarrassment and get along to your doctor. Remember that he's likely to have seen ED many times in his surgery and won't be fazed at all - but as a lead in, you might want to use a phrase such as "my sex life isn't what it used to be - can you give me some advice?" It'll also help to talk to your partner - remember that a problem shared is a problem halved!
Answered by: Susan Quilliam
Downloads
Receive a FREE copy of the "Couples Guide", which is a guide for those who suspect they may have or have already been diagnosed with erectile dysfunction (themselves or their partner), it includes 10 steps to recovery and rebuilding your relationship.
